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The Real Beginning

 This blog is here because I need a place to get all of this crap out before it builds up enough pressure to kill me. I feel like a freak, a monster and someone who is soo cursed by everything that I fear I destroy everyone I touch. If you think I am being melodramatic, I have had 2 spouses die in less than 2 years. My last husband hung himself on August 7th. My previous husband died of Covid related heart failure on February 21st of 2020. I don't even know how to begin to put all of this back together. I know I broke Austins heart, and I wasn't trying to. I was trying to get him to see the light and understand I was making us a better life even if it meant breaking up a little. I didn't want a divorce, but he thought it was the natural progression of me leaving for Portland. It wasn't. If you look in my apartment up here, you would see in everything that it was for him. The location in the bougie side of Hillsboro, the fancy apartment with the huge bathtub and the big ...
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Page Two

Its been a long time since I last wrote anything other than snarky comments on Reddit or FB. I had left Portland and moved to Tucson and I spent the last 5 years working as a teacher of small children in a poverty stricken school in the “Hood” in Tucson. I loved the school, loathed the district. I stayed for 5 years because I loved the people I worked with and I loved teaching. My principal left me pretty much alone as long as my kids showed progress and I enjoyed being around people who all felt invested in what they were doing. My personal life was another story. I had my teen son living with me and I loved the opportunity to rebuild my relationship with him. He has always been kinda the kid in the middle, the one who just was. I got to know what a cool and quirky dude he is and I was able to finally focus on him. It made dating a bit complicated, but I was successful, but successful in attracting people as broken as I was. I met Daniel through Grindr and we always joked he was a hoo...
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