Page Two

Its been a long time since I last wrote anything other than snarky comments on Reddit or FB. I had left Portland and moved to Tucson and I spent the last 5 years working as a teacher of small children in a poverty stricken school in the “Hood” in Tucson. I loved the school, loathed the district. I stayed for 5 years because I loved the people I worked with and I loved teaching. My principal left me pretty much alone as long as my kids showed progress and I enjoyed being around people who all felt invested in what they were doing.

My personal life was another story. I had my teen son living with me and I loved the opportunity to rebuild my relationship with him. He has always been kinda the kid in the middle, the one who just was. I got to know what a cool and quirky dude he is and I was able to finally focus on him. It made dating a bit complicated, but I was successful, but successful in attracting people as broken as I was.

I met Daniel through Grindr and we always joked he was a hookup gone wrong. He was a nurse and an alcoholic who was slowly working on killing himself. It was love at first sight. We dated for a very short while and then got married and I loved the hell out of him. I did my best to make him happy, but it never seemed to be enough. He was very money oriented and even when I was working 3 jobs, it wasnt enough. He kicked me out after a little over a year and I ended up having to rent a shitty apartment in the ghetto that I hated.

It was during teaching Traffic School that I met a woman who introduced me to Austin. He was nothing like what I thought I would want. He was short and pudgy and very “Queeny” but I fell hard for him and him for me. He moved in and we just started working on being a couple. He insisted I file for divorce from Daniel, and it took weeks to get him to accept service, even though he flat refused to even try to fix things with me. He finally accepted service we were waiting for the 20 day opt out to end.

I should note that this was the start of Covid…5 days before the process was over, I got a call from Boston and it was Daniel’s niece, telling me how sorry she was. I was standing in front of my class, confused. I asked her what she was sorry for and that was when she told me that Daniel had been found dead in his bed at home. He had missed a couple of lunch dates with friends so they went to check on him, and they found him. He had been really sick with a bad cough, and he had been self medicating with cough syrup and wine. Apparently, he was soo sick that is stopped his heart. He was working in an old folks home, he already had lung problems and he had been a 2 pack a day smoker for 30+years.

To say I was floored would be putting it mildly. I was destroyed, but had to keep on keeping on, so I just kept working, until one of my students came back from Winter break with a cough and fever. He had been in San Francisco seeing family. His mom dosed him with Tylenol and Motrin and sent him to class for 3 days until the office threatened to call CPS. The kid ended up in the hospital, and then 4 kids and myself got sick.

I have never hurt as bad or felt as horrible as I did when I was sick. I couldnt eat, sleep or breathe and through it all, Austin took care of me. I am not a fun person to take care of as I tend to just want to be left alone, but he kept making me try to eat and drink and he kept checking my temp and just doing his best. I was on the couch for 3 weeks before I was finally able to even stand up. I missed Daniels memorial and everything else.

Shortly after I recovered, I married Austin. Was I in the right frame of mind? No. Austin would be the one to pay the price.